Surat Untuk Tuhan.

This/Apprehension/Part/One.

2012-01-31T08:30:00.000-08:00

Writing is about understand yourself. I write to understand myself better. I write anything that underline, crosses my heart and my mind straight to my soul. I write something that none but myself can understand. I scripture something about ugly-beauty-ugliness, the nature, the sky, God, pain, pain, PAIN, joy, my hopes, my dreams, my baseless dreams, my friends-who-don't-call-me-a-friend-anymore, my enemy, demon that lived off of me, I write about you, I write about what I read, about anything that touches, about my soul, about scripture I found in shopping complex. About your eyes, about failures and reality. About me.

Sometimes I wish that everyone would rather speak from their heart.

Anagram I.

2012-01-31T07:39:00.000-08:00

HggatagaJKINNLJNSJnjaJNJNLJNSDNlnlNANLDNLANDNANDNALDNLANDJNjNLJNDDEANMUDTSETUHNMKLIHEIBRTULNbeysbshshshs HLAMIATQEBNSMBWTYSNYTNMANHWNUNhshshsyshheytagabxbd DNMJYMO YNGJTSOMANENEU KDHDNDNUOGBOBAHWTWdssddddds HYTHNGOBANTHGWhtegbstsg MHFTBNUSWDCFCAWERFHssdds I LNHEYBOBADERVQWYEHE YNGJTSOMANENEUhdhdydydhsh?JNLAJNSASNLNASLNLSANLNLANSHHWBOHBWDS

"I'm in pain, endless pain, Annabelle".

Why does it always rain on me?

2012-01-30T07:51:00.000-08:00

The definition of a sad song for me.

"I can't stand myself"

Bubbles II.

2012-01-30T06:19:00.000-08:00

Write something about me. Write something about me. Write something about how you wish we would be. Write something about how the magic burst, and the rainbow and the flying saucers, about how you believe in me.

Write something that'll ease me, our memory, this pain, my ignorance. Write something about you that I really need to know.

Write something for me, Annabelle.

Bubbles I.

2012-01-25T23:01:00.001-08:00

You should be as free as you are. As fragile as you can be. You can stay here lying with me, reading books and being so careless to the world.We can be as dumb as we are,like everyone will say we are, but we just don't care. I think if you stay much longer with me,I can let you be yourself. Just you and your books. And your poetry, and your photography, and your writing.

We will be in the bubbles,where i keep you safe there.

Eddy.

2012-01-14T10:02:00.000-08:00

Eddy, even if you have the biggest point about what you've said, and even if it is true and nothing but the truth, still they don't tend to believe it. Because you are somewhat their reflection of what they don't want in their life, something that they hate about themselves. It's not your fault. They are too stupid to admit.

Human tend to put the blame and their weaknesses to somebody else. They are too afraid to believe what you've said because they want you to always be their pinpoint of how your life can be at the bottom and not theirs. It will be easier for them to point you just because they are too afraid to admit that they are the actual losers. It's not your fault Eddy.

Eddy,keep telling the truth, just be yourself. You will live longer than them, you will be better than them. You will have a beautiful life with your beautiful family and children. You are far stronger than them.

I always wish that you will have beautiful life. Nothing is far greater than the truth and your own believe.

Throat II.

2012-01-03T07:44:00.001-08:00

Please keep my feet off the ground.

The Chosen One IV.

2012-01-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

Aku belum terlewat.

"Selamat Tahun baru 2012. Tahun baru bukan bermaksud dosa-dosa kau tahun-tahun sudah ter-reset begitu sahaja"

Aku doakan kurang perang dan malapetaka tahun ini.

The Chosen One III.

2012-01-01T10:40:00.000-08:00

Aku masih sesat di ceruk ini, dan teruknya aku masih lagi belum akui. Tiada ruang dan tiada peluang untuk aku kenali hati budi sendiri.

Setiap budaya, setiap peribahasa, setiap kata-kata tidak akan dapat memujuk hati ini. Segala dendam dan dendam dan dendam tidak dapat dilupuskan dari hati ini. Biarpon seribu tahun bertukar ganti.

Tak perlu ambil tahu kenapa.

The Chosen One II.

2012-01-01T09:53:00.001-08:00

Don't ever believe in anything i wrote. Because i don't believe in anything.

The Chosen One I.

2012-01-01T09:45:00.000-08:00

Human are literally stupid, that is why we are painful. If things are different then things are different. I am not the chosen one, but why it is so painful? This rasp of misery inside of my soul will never go away. The fear? Should I say the fear?

And listening to the new year bells sounds so wrong for me. I don't deserve any of this. I am not blessed.

Throat I.

2011-12-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to write something positive.

Curly II.

2011-12-01T07:28:00.001-08:00

Hold on, hold on to me.

Curly.

2011-11-26T10:40:00.000-08:00

Sleep safe you need it. A teeth, git, girth and abolishment. What are you chasing in circles? I have a soft-touch i can talk about this all night long. You don't need anything.

Play the sky.

Sleep on my vomit.

2011-11-26T10:30:00.000-08:00

If you think you are artistic enough by just having a mediocre band, then I swear to you brother that you are fucking wrong.

The houses-you-build-is-no-longer-relevant-and-you-are-just-a-fucked-up-poseur.

2011-11-26T10:25:00.000-08:00

Poseur,you're just a trendy poseur.

Act.

2011-11-26T10:22:00.000-08:00

Spill out, heart out. I hate your guts.

Answer II.

2011-11-20T07:56:00.000-08:00

I wake up by the door, i know i am waiting for you. Where are you my daughter?My lovely daughter. Don't you want to meet me?Are you still not enough of having fun there? Are you afraid of me? Are you going away from me?

I can feel your heart beating close to mine. I am lonely.

Answer I.

2011-11-14T08:29:00.000-08:00

The regret,i know not a better light,a vision that was dark,i don't know how to show you the way,it's a mysterious myth I know not to answer, the colours are disarray, the shades are faded away, I know nothing.

I don't understand myself.

Home III.

2011-10-28T10:37:00.001-07:00

Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days

-Alexis Murdoch

Eyes.

2011-10-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

Start the fire with fire, the one who blame me is pain. I feel that there is no-one who would fucking care about me. To the ebb and the flow and the rain and the wind and spinning earth. The earth you taped with your eyes is how i comprehend my knowledges and adultery.

God,please let me know what is the truth behind all this dimension of lies. They come in between all of this choices and all those tempting lust. I have no-one to turn to and seems like you are the one who hears me. Even though i am a bastard that never grateful to you and as i wrote this i am in shame to call your name. How can you build this life so perfectly with your hands and how you destroy this with your will? Tell me what is the secrets of this life and what is buried inside every secrets that lies between secrets and lies and truth. God, please tell me what is the meaning of wonder and the life you ask me to live. I don't want cliché and pain, i don't want shame and pain, i don't want radical and truth. I want to see with my own eyes. I want a daughter.

I want a daughter.

God, i will ask you more questions as i progressed. I got nowhere,i got nowhere.My sins take me nowhere. I search for something i never own. I am looking for something i never found. I don't know which way to turn and no-one that hears. I won't ask you for more.

Build me something nice. Use your magic. I am always indebted to you.

Anthem II.

2011-10-15T12:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know why this pain in the chest won't go away.

Thought II

2011-10-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

I succumb to the pressure, to the professional ethic, work or whatever they might called it. You know it's killing you when you have no time to embrace yourself.

I miss writing. I miss being alone. I miss freedom.

Sacred III.

2011-09-29T09:07:00.001-07:00

Now, i don't write poem for you anymore. And i don't listen to your words anymore.

Sacred II.

2011-09-15T09:36:00.001-07:00

Like i fucking care? Like i fucking care? Like i fucking care? Like i fucking care?

Sacred I.

2011-09-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

I feel completely erased now, I am proud I touched and raped you by being the way I always was. I like to piss you off, I tend to mock your ego around like I always did.

By being the way I am.

You are weak, you are as fragile as I always imagined you are. And you love how I sneak and took your soul away and you can't hide it. The gap between us is only your imaginary happiness where I picture as a total lies. And FAKE.

Come on say to me you love me, as you always do. Come on! I have egos to feed my dear, I have egos to feed.

Kingdom by the sea III.

2011-09-09T22:37:00.001-07:00

I'm here at kingdom by the sea. This is my place, where i belong. Always here in the kingdom by the sea.

Oblivious VI.

2011-08-31T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you were right about me.This guilt that will crush me in the quite, so I write to you.

Your eyes makes me believe that life is like a blueprint, it was structured like that since we're unborn. Like a system, like a dead satellite we're roaming in our own "planned" symmetrical orbiter, aimless, careless, arrogantly and proud. But we are dead inside. But we are lifeless. It so scary to think that every morning we have to wake up and listening to every possible warning from our MOTHER EARTH, that we're dying, but we can't understand at all.

We are sinner, you and me. That is why you are hiding away from me.

We will write, it's possible.

Eid-ul Fitr.

2011-08-31T12:27:00.000-07:00

Tiada apa di Kuala Lumpur,
Malam dimana bulan 3 darjah ke utara, bintang tiada kelihatan,
Tiada apa di Kuala Lumpur,
Keseluruhannya hanya luluh dan binasa.

Utara Kuala Lumpur, Selatannya,
Tiada apa di Kuala Lumpur,
Aku tidak faham kemana orang-orangnya hendak pergi,
Aku tidak faham kemana mereka tuju, apakah tujuannya.

Tiada apa di Kuala Lumpur,
Hanya luluh dan binasa,
Kawan dan lawan, bersilih ganti seperti mimpi,
Hanya luluh dan binasa.

Tiada apa di Kuala Lumpur,
cinta dan cita-cita khayalan dunia,
Kelapangan masa adalah nostalgia,
Hanya luluh dan binasa,

Tiada apa di Kuala Lumpur,
Semua mencari tujuan, tetapi dimanakah?
Kiri-kanan hanya dosa dan pahala,
hanya luluh hatinya.

Apa yang aku tuju? Apa yang aku cari di Kuala Lumpur?

Oblivious VI.

2011-08-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

You so fragile and thin, stand trial for your sin.

Atlanta VI.

2011-08-21T02:19:00.000-07:00

I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what it all could mean.

Roma.

2011-08-17T11:38:00.001-07:00

Aku rindukan bau Roma selepas hujan, Pescara semasa salji turun. Ya Allah, makbulkanlah impian aku.

O' deceiver III.

2011-08-16T11:33:00.000-07:00

I know I'll meet you later on in life, but let me fake this show just like you did. I'm stuck in this infinite loop and it had worn me out. Just like how I wrote to you it's blurry and shaken all at the same time. I'm leaving this all for good but you never had left me. So what I'm supposed to think now?

If this story has ended why it stays as scar? Why it is not like a phase like you repeated telling me before? Why i always pictures you as someone i always know my entire life?

You stay as a song that stuck in my head when i woke up every morning. That is why i am not ready to forgive you. I am not ready to forgive you.

Right Away Great Captain.

2011-08-16T01:03:00.000-07:00

right away great captain

i'll go where you need me the banks of the north shore or the hills i'll go fleeting just give me one minute to tell my wife good bye i loved her so dearly but its time to take real flight on a dark desert road or a middle sized fake show you lead me to. (its so dark in there) well right away great captain i'll surely leave everything god damned i love it but god you mean more to methan any three hole punched fake scripture could come from me just know that i love you but love's such a simile for pearl gates of gold i will do my best to meet you there half way or the whole way on a high way you know where the ending will take place so beautifully so beautifully so beautifully

right away great captain ill go where you want me to don't make it much harder than what i have gone through if you've got your systems ill tear down these walls you haven't seen devils till you've felt them all you've got to be strong ill take it back, if you let meon a highway you know i will do my best to meet you there please don't leave i wish you'd say please don't leave me but darling i am leaving

Amira II.

2011-08-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

"And it feels exposed and vulnerable, wonderful and awful, and heartsick, and alive all at the same time"

Anthem.

2011-08-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

I feel like i had turn and grew into a legit monster.

Motion,

2011-08-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

Dan and Marie-Anne, in "Dan in Real Life".

I don't know why i love watching this movie so much,lately. Mungkin sebab jalan ceritanya yang berkisar mengenai seorang kolumnis suratkhabar yang menulis perihal keluarga, dan pengalamannya membesarkan 3 anak perempuan (Yes, may woman rules the world) setelah kehilangan isterinya. Middle class man, Dan (Steve Carrell) menghadapi dilemma membesarkan anak-anaknya yang mempunyai konflik masing-masing, seperti contoh, anak keduanya agak rebel dan memberontak (pelik kerana selalunya anak sulung yang mempunyai perwatakan begini).

Dan bertemu Marie di kedai buku (salah satu sebab kenapa aku suka filem ini, sebab ini salah satu fantasi aku). Disitu bermula konflik yang malas aku hendak huraikan disini. Yang buatkan aku suka filem ini adalah kerana tone setting nya yang sangat nyaman dan tenang (Filem ini mungkin menjalani pengambaran di Rhodes Island), berlatar belakangkan rumah keluarga Dan. Lagu-lagu selingan dari Sondre Larche yang sangat klasik tetapi masih calm dan selari dgn perjalanan cerita ini.

Mungkin juga aku suka filem ini kerana Juliette Binoche yang sangat sweet dan cantik, walaupon sudah agak tua sedikit dari filem Chocolat dahulu. Mungkin juga aku suka filem ini kerana ianya mengenai keluarga, dan selalunya aku memang sangat teruja dgn tema sebegini., family values yang ditunjukkan dalam filem ini. Mungkin juga aku suka filem ini kerana ianya mengenai realiti kehidupan sub-urban lelaki di luar negara aku, yang masih realistik tanpa aksi letupan,kereta mewah, pakaian bergaya, perempuan seksi,tarikan seksual dan juga musik latar dari Paramore ataupun Linkin Park, atau band yang bernombor 23 (band pop indie mainstream). Mungkin juga aku suka filem ini kerana ianya mudah, tidak kompleks (kerana bertemakan komedi??) yang tidak melampau kebodohan, dengan lawak bijak dari Dane Cook dan co. Atau mungkin kerana cameo dari Matthew Morrison (Will Shuester, Glee) sebagai polis trafik.

Mungkin kerana filem ini membuatkan aku lebih bersedia untuk memikul tanggungjawab aku sebagai bapa satu hari nanti? Tanpa Amira bolehkah aku memikul tanggungjawab ini? Sudah bersediakah aku? Berani kah aku berkorban segala impian dan separuh hidup aku?

Persoalan untuk diri aku sendiri. Sigh.

Oblivious V.

2011-08-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

I'm writing from my soul, i'm writing for me. It's not for you. It'snot like what your POP boyfriends (yes i said boyfriend with s) used to write up to you before you go to sleep, just to get into your pants. It's not like what it should be. It's not like what i should mean.

Don't go try to understand me, i'm not your silicon-made-tube-face-dark-tall-and-handsome-guitar-playing-sweet-talking-mainstream-fuck-up-face-genius-pretending-typical friend.or even boyfriend. I am really who i am, past or present.

I guess love you so much make me sick.

What would you think of me now?

2011-08-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Photo of Anne Frank, from "The Diary of Anne Frank"

The smells of semen and the canvas near the stadium. I hear thousands of lives and voices whispering "Hear you me, my friend". And the sound of the mortar and the screams. There's no one in town i know, and as i ran for shelter, i lost my way. And the collapsed building and sky crappers just like the falling autumn. I hold the barricade near the stairs and as i look up there is a God man-like, He had a wing. I remember He stare and said, "This is the price you pay, I am the nature". His voice can be heard as far as the horizontal earth line.

I feel like crying, but i was too weak. The death is near me. What would You think of me now?

This sleepless road, and the mountain where i took shelter, I wish you were with me tonight. So i can sing one last time. Because there's no one in town i know. You're the face i knew since i was small. Now i never had a chance. Will you let me in? This footstep i walk it's parallel with my vital heartbeat. Getting slower, and slower but i can smell your hair. The sleepless go, may He let me in.

Will You let me in? Will You let me had my chance?

Where are you before?I remember scripting your name in the heaven's wall, where we talk in sign language. You teach me how to run and i teach you the name of the flowers, where it's clearly become your name. Now i can smell my death and I am not afraid. I fell and i feel like there is a tunnel-like vision and i'm floating. Black and white. Like inside a vacuum i'm floating and i'm flying. I'm sucked-up and landed on my back, but it's not hurt. Is this heaven, is this hell? Or intersection in between those two place?

It's white and free, no grass and no sign. Above me was a milky-way, brimming stars and thousands of sun. I hear the sea, i hear the voice. I hear you cry, i hear you laugh, i hear you moans, i hear your daughter, i hear you screams, i heard everything Anna. I miss you Anna.

Now i know i never had a chance. Now you had to search your own way to me Anna. Back to me.

O' deceiver II.

2011-08-09T02:13:00.000-07:00

I walk by and saw someone just like you. Is it you?Or is it my mind telling and believing it's you? No, i'm in denial. We will never be one.

Atlanta V.

2011-08-08T09:05:00.000-07:00

I need to get out from here. Suffocating, please send me light. Please send me wave back home. I burnt inside.

O' deceiver I.

2011-08-06T09:26:00.001-07:00

O' deceiver, i am writing to you. I'll haunt you in your dreams, in the north banks where you waves your hands like when we are young and free. I still clearly remember you as you lost your way, O' deceiver. So beautifully.

I said please don't leave this early, we have all the time in this world. Please linger in my heart and my soul. I want to say you are so beautiful, the name, the hair, the hands, the smell. You just smells like the rain. Take my hand don't make it much harder, let's the rain swallow us as we're dancing and i kiss your eyes and your head. You and your smiles killing me, i said please don't leave me.

I wish you said the same things.

Kingdom by the sea II.

2011-08-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

I've built this kingdom for you to loathe and see. I've built this kingdom by the sea. I've built this all and grew my demon turn out to be a monster. The sad thing is, i don't built the room for you, and the throne and the feeling and the grudge and the pain and the love and the happiness and the sadness and the loneliness and the emptiness and the paranoia and the vengeance and everything inside.

I've built this kingdom by the sea. I take it from you, so at the end of the day you will remember me for who i am, or you will not. I've built this all for you to loathe at the end of the day. I've built this kingdom with my pain and blood, but you will never believed in me eventually.

I've build this kingdom by the sea, for you. For you to see how much i had grew from the point you'd kill me. It took me all this while to get where i said i would never be. Eventually i hope you know what you had turn me into.

I've built our kingdom by the sea. And i am proud of me.

Kingdom by the sea I

2011-08-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

Whatever you are, whatever you need, bleed for me, right from me. I learnt not to blame you anymore. I don't hurt you like i used to.

Bite your veins, and bleed for me.

Whatever your belief and your excuse is my real pain. Whoever you are, take whatever you need. I don't bleed like i used to.

Bite your veins, and bleed for me.

We are near but we never got so close. And i am particularly happy for ending up this way, though it's always haunting me.

I know you got no place to go, and you'd lost all your fight, it's never been the same. It's look to stay that way. I've built this kingdom for you to loathe.

Bite your veins, and bleed for me.

Home II.

2011-08-01T07:45:00.001-07:00

I feel, I feel the God begin, to peel me off my skin.

Home I.

2011-08-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

I swear you'll never know. I can see, i can see. I am a living ghost of what i need. I can feel it now, another round, another round.

Are you tired of being alone, are you tired of being alone, are you tired of being alone?

Amira.

2011-07-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

And i creep into our bedroom and i watch you sleep carefully,not to awake you. My mind wander into the things i can't hardly explain. You are holy and inane. You are virgin and you are soft. You are soft like your graceful touch. You and your halo.

You are like bunch of things i don't suppose to have.

Defending night.

2011-07-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

Like i'm 37 years and i'm nothing like a bank.

Hey Jas I.

2011-07-24T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hey you there,

It's about time. It's been more than 100 years of boiling points deep down my heart, it's like a vicious space that i need to erase permanently. Eventually, i knew you never really care but i need to let it go,in one go.

My apprehension, my nemesis, you are like my inspiring youth dream girl. Like a goo, you are shining with your words, which i always fooled with, but i never burn. I'm hungry now, let's try a dirty dirt? You are not less then my other mirror, that is why we never can be together. We are dirty.

Looks. Now i can brag to you how everyday i was feed with love and love and love. I knew it'll someday going to make me blind, but i don't really care. Look now how my girl keep me up when i am falling dirt, how she back me up when i acted like an assholes. Look how can i brag with you that i had this beautiful girl with beautiful eyes and beautiful un-fake smiles,which always be my antidotes when i falling,drifting apart. The one who can put-off and kill my demons inside, which you know that i had a BIG fucking ego and BIG fucking demon, like just in one go. The one who always listen to my useless and empty dreams over and over again and who sips my unkempt hair, and feed me everyday with her hands. About how i'm going to have a BIG fucking band, and i'm going to be a BIG fucking writer, even if i know if it will never happened. We don't need to talk about our feeling and she even listen to my favorite band that u always despised. Until i was this fat, and i was fat with her love. Like you always despised how i look, you and your POP boyfriend a.k.a husband.

I'm going to let it go now. I'm not angry anymore. I just feel careless, because i want you to know that i'd move on. And POP is so fucking lame now. Yeah, i'm a rebel with bighead and big fucking EGO and nothing i can do to change it. I'm just me baby.

Oblivious IV.

2011-07-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

My soul's hungry and i want to drink. Pensacola, dirty malls, alcohol and dirty bars. My baby she's barely speaks, barely sleep, barely breathe.

Oblivious III.

2011-07-23T00:06:00.000-07:00

I have a funny gut and feeling doubtful you'll get it back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oblivious II.

2011-07-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

Alcohol, dirty malls, Pensacola, Florida bars. (my daughter she's barely sleeps).

Oblivious I.

2011-07-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

I'm so want to migrate somewhere far away from the point i am now. I want less communication, just true heart and true friends.

I want sea, four seasons, sunshine, smiles, leaves, rain, cold, green grass, mountains and snow.

I want to die in oblivion.

Atlanta IV.

2011-07-19T00:44:00.000-07:00

Dear everyone i ever really knew,

I acted like an assholes so i can keep the edge on you. It's still confusing but i can never understand.

It's time.

Atlanta III

2011-07-18T07:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wonder if there is anyone out there to be call a friend. I am so tired of this loneliness. I need someone who can talk a brain.

I can't tolerate fools.

Atlanta II.

2011-07-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

I need somewhere that i can post what inside my boggling mind. Where i can pause all the insults i had previously in my life.

I am in dark place,darker than your heart.

Atlanta.

2011-07-17T03:53:00.001-07:00

You built this house with your hands, and time and your blood.

You built this up in one day to fall downward and rust.

The man who never own a thing.

2011-06-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

Oh my God, let me see again. I am the one who never owns a thing. I knew everything in my sleep.

I need it. Oh my swell, let me bleed. I never tired of bleeding.

I think i speak to you the best when i sing.

Ready to start.

2011-06-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

No, i am no God. Neither do you. The void, the noise inside my head, i need you to get home. My eyes so tired. Why don't you come home?

The world is so still, the world is so still.

I'm looking for the sign, for you to get home. And we can run together, i know you're wild and free. And i am wild and free.

Why don't you look for your way home, to me?

Closest i get to you.

2011-06-02T07:10:00.000-07:00

I know why you're still there, but i'm gone. I am a half of man i wish i wasn't. You know the reason why. We are as wild and free.

Mon the Biff!!

2011-05-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

Still feeling empty.I am very sure of what i'm not sure. Kill me.

My fear is losing you.

2011-05-19T10:13:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lh3LocS_Bh8&feature=relmfu

You say "I love you boy"
But I know you lie.
I trust you all the same
And I don't know why.

'Cause when my back is turned,
My bruises shine.
Our broken fairytale,
So hard to hide.

I still believe,
It's you and me
till the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't, we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise i know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

Sitting in a wishing hole,
Hoping it stays right.
Feet cast in solid stone,
I got Gilligan's eyes.

I still believe,
It's you and me
till the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't, we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise i know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

'Cause you said hello,
It's where the going get's hard,
Our future is far,
Many of horror
Our future's far,
Many of horror
Our future is far,
Many of horror

I still believe,
It's you and me
till the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise i know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

Biffy Clyro, my all time favorite band. Thanks for the great music. Keeping me going.

You are wrong.

2011-05-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

You are dead wrong about your life. So do i. So stop faking. I wish i am.

Only.

2011-05-18T07:59:00.000-07:00

I am the only damage i'd done. Let's dive. Let's rhyme.

You are someone that i try to write about all along.

2011-04-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

Travis-Writing to Reach You.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeCcuH-EsuM

Every day I wake up and it's Sunday
Whatever's in my head won't go away
The radio is playing all the usual
What's a Wonderwall anyway?

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you
About you
But that's not you

It's good to know that you are home for Christmas
It's good to know that you are doing well
It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting
It's good to know I'm feeling not so well

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you
About you
But that's not you
And you know it's true
But that won't do

Maybe then tomorrow will be Monday
And whatever's in my head should go away
But still the radio keeps playing all the usual
And what's a Wonderwall anyway?

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you
About you
But that's not you
And you know it's true
But that won't do
And you know it's you
I'm talking to

Nitric.

2011-04-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

I am internally nothing,i am a simple math you can't solve.
I am a modern day, i am a simple math you can't solve.
I am either way, no turn, i am simple math you can't solve.
I am hunger, i am simple math you can't solve.
I am guilt, the wish, i am simple math you can't solve.
I am sinful, i am simple math you can't solve.

What if I've been trying to get to the place I've always been?
What if we've been trying to get to the place we've always been?
What if it's true and what we've thought was right was wrong?
What if i wrong and you never mentioned?

What should i? What if it started i at all before?
Why should i?
What if you was wrong and was wrong was right?
What if the truth is fashioned?
Why should i?

I imply.
You guilty.

All that you can't fix, honey.

2011-04-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

I feel like peeling off your skin,in contradict to contemporary believes, i will always lonely.
Another round of fit, i will stay alive, and lie still.
Are you tired of being whole night being alone? Shake me out, i feel the pain in your eyes.
I am everything internally, means nothing.

I am everything that you can't fix, honey. Don't stop, don't ever go. I swear you'll never know.

Oh God, why is everyone and everything is in motion? Why can't life be still and warm and numb and foggy and spacey and wet like vagina?
Like when we in the Cave somewhere in Cape of Good Hope, when i drew you the sign that i am useless and it was 10 million years before century and before the birth of the birth.

Fuck,life is fucking hurt for someone who drink milk, and mom milk is tasteless. and my thought is running on my neighbors house. I am living ghost who hang my lies and my truth in my sleeves.

You can't fix me, fuckers! You can't be me fuckers! You can't make me, fuckers!

Scandinavia.

2011-03-17T08:03:00.000-07:00

People said that success is a journey. What journey? What success in life do you want? What made you satisfied enough to be call as a success? Career success?Relationship success?Emotional success?

Every morning everyone woke up to brave enough to do the same shit everyday.In retrospect everyone is fucking liar.Doing everything that they don't like everyday,just for the sake of security. The safety that they want to have at the end of the day. I don't feel safe enough, are you feel safe with what you do now?

Are you going to wake up 5 years from now and thinking "what have i did for the past 5 years?" and so on? Are you going to be old regretful? Is this what we want in life?

We are full of regret. I am sick and tired of everything i do now. I want new things, i want to move out from here. Maybe to a place of better breathe and air, to States,the land of dreams? to Scandinavia? to Gibraltar? I want to see the world. I want to see other culture. I want to touch the Giza. I want to stay at Four Season. I want to see Japan. I want to dance to the rain.I want to see Africa.

I want to move out from here. Pretty please.

Silver.

2011-03-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

There is no one in this world who can understand the shit that happening to me. Not even one. Oh why i hate everything?

Are we dancer?

2011-03-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

I feels hurt, so much hurt. I feel vulnerable, lost and small. I feel lost. I feel nothing.
I want us, i want the noise. I want the touch my friend.

All my friends, feel me.

I want the youth. Can you feel me my friend? Let surround me with noise, a story.
You are not forgiven, so do i.

EVerything to nobody beneath.

2011-01-30T07:51:00.000-08:00

Bagai cahaya, kau bersinar luar dan dalamnya. Seperti mana luka-luka aku dendami,
Kau ubatkan dengan silauan-silauan, lembutnya sentuhan.
Aku, aku masih dahagakan semua tipu daya. Aku, aku masih hanyut dalam semua rasa.
Dimana setiap daripada segi-segi kehancuran aku, kau kutip dan bentuk semula,

Aku dimana, dimana ada kegelapan. Aku dimana, dimana ada kehancuran.

Cracks.

2011-01-23T10:48:00.000-08:00

A very later i have learned, to accept some friends of ridicule,
My whole existences is for your amusement,
And that is why i am here with you.

-Papercut, Bleach 1989.

Anatomy.

2011-01-21T11:20:00.000-08:00

Beat me up. Torn me apart. This is not beginning, this is not the end.
I am dead, I am dead, i am dead. I had died a long time ago,
You are afraid of reading me.
You are afraid of remember me.
You are afraid of crossing my path.
You are afraid of my truth.
You are afraid of words.
You are afraid of everything i drew.

D minor.
Like every whisper i hear once when we are in the those dimension.
Like the tree we're climb, like the plant that we're grew.
Like the life we're killed.

I need those severe lifeline.

The riot.

2011-01-21T11:07:00.000-08:00

My fist i hold up high in the air. This angst will never finish and complete. You will never complete.
My dreams i hold up in the air. It's hard to let it go. I am never complete. I am never something.
The steady streams of words just coming out from my dead mind. The vision wasn't clear.
I am holding to my grudge, i am holding to all the past I've been trying so hard to erase.

My mind seems dead, my heart was stabbed.

I want to trade this life i had with something clearer. yeah, like what you whisper last year.
I am thinking about the last part of the story that you had bitching to me before i asleep.
Mother, i am so painful you had hurt me so much.
It's so painful.

I create my own world with the lies you thought me.

You said "leave it out the rest".
It was a new riot i need in my mind. Like i need a lifeline when i was about to see my death.
I never had anything in my life. Like it was all dark and lonely.
I never feel safe. Like it was all dark and lonely, and painful.

The ride was wrong. Like every decision i had to make.
Like it was invisible, like it was invisible as my love.
I holding it tight inside my division, my memory. It was so wrong.
I am wrong.

No one lost. I am building pain.

Sound of Light.

2011-01-21T10:52:00.000-08:00

Waiting at the end of the room, all i hear is sound of light. Everyone is quiet, so quiet we can hear the end.
All i'm trying to do is to be me, all i'm trying to hide is the past. Like every revision you heard about me, that is the truth.
I am something built from the pieces of the pain, until it dead. I wish that i had strength to stand.

We are so quiet, all i can hear is the sound of the end. So many things were left unsaid.

This was never meant to last, the running nose and running yolk. I have to understand that my pain is your amusement. This is never your dilemma. I can feel that this is cemented in my gene.

All is out of my control. It is hard to let the past go.

Season.

2011-01-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

No one will never know the painful truth. Even if they try, i'll be in the loop. I'll be in the altar, i'll be at the end.

No-one need to be hurt, no-one will know.
Let me see the truth, let me show you. Let me keep it.

Hexagon.

2011-01-04T06:08:00.001-08:00

Technology supposed to bridge the gap in between us. But i can you falling apart. Falling apart my friend.

Sigh.

We are exhibitionist-a.

2011-01-02T11:04:00.001-08:00

We are nowhere but here, we are exhibitionist we just don't realize it yet,
We are waking up every morning to be on the same road again.

We are nothing and nowhere. We are lost and empty. My generation are lost and empty. My dreams are lost and empty.

We waking up every morning to realize that our love had gone, long before we know.

I feed my dreams with all your love (part 2)

2011-01-02T10:59:00.002-08:00

I don't need my dreams anymore, all those are washed away,
All those are washed away.
I'll be blind and deaf forever for you, I'll be a murder to my dreams forever for you,
I don't need those, i just need your love.

I feed all those lies with your love. Even if anyone don't understand what it means, i know you know.
Because you loved me so much, i know.

I've been blessed.

If i have a choice to start my life over again, this will be the same choice that i'll make.

I feed my dreams with all your love.

2011-01-02T10:59:00.001-08:00

Tahun Baru.

2010-12-21T05:23:00.001-08:00

Kepada semua ibu warganegara kota.

Selamat tahun baru 2011,
Tapi kita semua belum tentu selamat.

Tempo.

2010-10-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

And you are not relevant anymore,in my context. You just hurting me.

Post Avant Garde.

2010-10-23T12:23:00.000-07:00

If i have a band, i surely will named my music concept to this. Eventhough my song sounds sucks and mushy. And i will pose my best in-front of the camera, act like i'm a coolest artsy person in this whole wide world, wearing my selected Armani Exchange shirt and branded jeans and shoes while hoping that many of the fool cheap slut falling in love with me. With my coolest electronic gadget in hands, in line with my Fender guitar i have from my girlfriend money. I don't simply eat because i'll look fat in my photo, and fuck them, i have to look messy-cool-cute with my skinny jeans. My song will be like 5 minutes full of crap and rubbish. I just close my eyes and ears and pretend that they are the most anthemic song in this whole wide world. Fuck the critics, they don't know what my music are! I'll stay cool because i am a rockstar!I don't simply talk to my friends anymore because they are not cool unlike me.

FUCK THAT!FUCK THAT!FUCKTHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i rather dead than to have this kind of dreams.Fuck you!

Temp.

2010-10-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

It is just a longest walk in my life. And it's been a while since last time i remember.I'd lost my sanity, in this rain.

Mutual.

2010-10-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

Kill me i want you to kill me want you to kiss me want you to kill me want you to hate me want you to cease me want you to kill me.

Swell,i never been so well.

Through the Silence 2.

2010-10-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in you. I don't believe in myself.

Through all the silence.

2010-10-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

I am searching for my soul, i lost my way,
I am tired of my inner thought, i lost my way,

Did you believe in me?

Void.

2010-10-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

All i want to ask is for you to love me. If you loved me then it will be the whole different things together. We are as equal as one, we are as the same composition of 13th Symphony. I've been in this life forever,i've been waiting for this forever. All i want is for you to fill in this void;

You are someone who i know before i was born, we spoke languange as similar as a wave sound. We act and bath together, we cry and failed together. We are born to search for each other and be together.

All i want is for you to love me forever;

Happy 70th Birthday John Lennon.

2010-10-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

Aku suka kepada perasaan aku sekarang ini. Perasaan rejection ini. Sudah lama aku tidak berasa seperti ini. Aku sungguh bahagia sehinggakan aku lupa bahwa aku juga boleh sakit dan serba salah dan juga miserable seperti hari ini.Aku ingin telanjangkan hati aku ini. Aku inginkan sunyi. Aku inginkan jauh dari hingar. Aku inginkan kelembutan. Aku tidak ingin berbuat apa-apa. Aku hanya mahu pulang.Serba salah ini tidak akan menyusahkan sesiapa.Walaupon aku mati,aku tidak mahu diingati. Aku inginkan sendiri. Aku inginkan dilema supaya aku sendiri. Aku inginkan bisu. Aku inginkan gelap. Aku tidak mahu berada disini lagi.

Salah! Itu semua kata ego aku.Tuhan dan juga Syaitan bermain didalam diri aku.Aku tidak seimbang.

Ego aku.Ego aku.Ego aku.

Aku ingin pulang. Aku ingin semua seperti dahulu. Aku ingin semua bermula kembali. Disebalik kegilaan ini,aku inginkan sentuhan aku semula. Faham tak?

There is.

2010-09-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

No one.

The _________.

2010-09-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

It's so boring to see new bands nowadays. They sounds so identical, wear almost as similar as one another. What's bother me so much is there is no shape in their music at all. Rock and roll is about spontaneity and get loose and get free. There is basically no rules, no limit and no specific genre in rock n roll for me. Anyone can be free to cross the border.

I'd give up my rock and roll dreams.Now i am a deaf dreamer. I had choke my throat with money and professional ethics that someday i know will going to kill me. Fuck me! I am an ordinary average Joe. Like the one you saw on the street today.

At least give me a moment. To remember who i am.

Mer-day-kah?

2010-08-31T10:09:00.001-07:00

Tak susah hendak kenal bangsa aku,
lebih ramai dan lebih senang apabila menjelang hari kebebasan,
Lebih senang mereka di jalan-jalan,
Berpusu-pusu macam air sungai Kelang yang kotor dan keruh,
Semua hendak merasa kehidupan metropolitan,
Semua hendak merasa kemeriahan urbanista,
Semua hendak tunjukkan kemodenan,
Itukah makna kebebasan?Aku yang kelirukah?

Mereka semua pejuang2 moden, yang dahagakan hiburan,
hiburan,kekeliruan bangsa dan ekonomi,
Mereka semua pejuang2 moden,dengan duit makan gaji bulanan,
mereka berhak untuk berhibur.hiburan Jalan Bukit Bintang, dan juga anak haram.

Inikah makna kebebasan?Aku yang kelirukah?

Brimming light.

2010-08-31T10:02:00.001-07:00

There are certain people in this life that annoyed me.Those who are not progressing in their life,those who are watching 10 to 12 hours of TV everyday,working and feeling the same things everyday and for some reason, they feel happy about it.Those type of people really bummed me out.

I never want to be associated with this type of people.In my retrospect,it just boring to see this type of people.

Dirty Linen.

2010-08-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

If nobody understand you,or nobody ever heard you,do you want to hang yourself inside your room?

No.

You must survive.

L

2010-08-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

I am much more sober nowadays i guess.i am much more resilent than what you think.So what if i shoot you in the head right before your eyes?It is that simple, bitch!

Inside.

2010-08-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

I wish that every wonder in this world stays as a wonder.Don't bloom, it will fails. Don't try, it will fall.

Don't fulfill your words,don't come back in life.Be stagnant.

Annabelle Lee.

2010-08-21T12:59:00.000-07:00

Ok,forget about the post below, that was a rants from unpersonified person,who had been living in the dark for past few years. Let's not talk about it and them again. I moved on,and i don't care if they ever moved on too.

I just want to share something that i loved to do for years and years back, back when i am still relevant and my thoughts are as genuine as Andy Hull.I loved to craft,read and write poems. This is maybe something that in the world that i loved to do most, even when i was a small bratty kids, i dreamt to be like Leo Tolstoy,Mr Fuckin Edgar Allan Poe, A.Samad Ismail, Pak Sako, and many more. They are like my childhood heroes, someone who look up to. It's something that i loved and maybe good the only thing that i good at. Though maybe i don't wrote that much and all my poems are significantly 'sucks' anyway,i nearly gave up all my dreams.

Now when you grew up old and bored,you have nothing to do again. And this was the perfect time for me to write again.I have thousands of letters that i wrote that was purposedly never sent.

Ok,i would like to share this poem from Mr.Poe that i loved the most,i even once dedicated it to someone significant to me,but she never appreciated it anyway.It's ok, i don't need that by the way.The poem called 'Annabelle Lee'.The poems explores the theme about the death of a beautiful woman. The person who are really in love with that beautiful woman, they are mutually in love when they were still small, and their love was so strong even the angel jelous. Their ideal love was initially started in the 'kingdom by the sea' and usually strong.Unfortunately, she died when she was still young. He worship her, something that he can do when she died, in the 'tomb by the see'.

Many believe and i believe, that this poem was wrote to Poe's late wife, Virginia that was died 2 years before he even wrote this peom.That's why i love Poe, his usage of death theme, really influence my daily thought and writing.

Ok,this i share you guys the poems. Read and analyse yourself guys:

ANNABELLE LEE

Author: Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of Annabel Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child, In this kingdom by the sea; But we loved with a love that was more than love - I and my Annabel Lee; With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven Coveted her and me. And this was the reason that, long ago, In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling My beautiful Annabel Lee; So that her highborn kinsman came And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulcher In this kingdom by the sea. The angels, not half so happy in heaven, Went envying her and me Yes! that was the reason (as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud by night, Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love was stronger by far than the love Of those who were older than we Of many far wiser than we And neither the angels in heaven above, Nor the demons down under the sea, Can ever dissever my soul from the soul Of the beautiful Annabel Lee. For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride, In the sepulcher there by the sea, In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Shoot!

2010-08-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

Aku tak puas hati betul. Fuck off! Fuck off!

All my curse to you,all my curse to you!!!

The effing dream!

2010-08-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

So after all of sudden, akulah yang fuck-up?akulah yang jahat?akulah yang egois?Kau orang?Kau orang yang nilai aku,tak fuck-up kah? Kau orang yang buat aku?Tak fuck-up kah?

Aku masih ingat segala kata keji,kata nista,kata kesat kau orang lemparkan kepada aku.Segalanya masih tak luput dari kotak ingatan aku.Sampai aku mati pon aku takkan lupa. Kau orang yang buang aku daripada persahabatan kita,sekarang ini kau orang berkata aku yang fuck-up?Aku yang egois?

Aku egois sebab aku bahagiakah?Aku egois sebab aku menjauhkan diri daripada hidup kau orang yang fuck-up itu kah?Aku egois kerana menjadi diri aku kah?

Kau ingat aku akan patah kembali ke belakang dan hidup dengan cara kau orang?Aku masih dendamkan kau. Aku masih tidak akan dapat lupakan semua.Semua masih segar dalam kota ingatan aku. Tak akan aku buang semua.

Jadi,aku harap kau orang pergi jauh dari hidup aku.Aku doakan kau orang jumpa jalan yang kau orang hendak dalam hidup ini.Aku doakan.

Every thousand lines.

2010-08-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

If i stick to my plan, for last 5 years, life would be very different now. I would by now, in a bloody sweating, and giggling because of starving or maybe hungry, in the middle of my adolesence dreams. Or maybe, i would be satisfy enough to do whatever i dreamt of and would be selling my soul out to my band. Or so what i dream off..

But now i wondering through every inch of my sleep, of regretting on how i would give up my soul and forget how to play music. Every person i know would giving up playing music and concerntrate on living life to the fullest. Or so what i dream off..

I would much be grateful to what i have now, eventhough it is not perfect, and all my dreams are scattered all around, like ashes, like the peas in the palm of my hands. Like the story that my grandpa bitching about when i was a kid.Or so what i dream off..

Or so what i dream off..